My Singleness

I've been single for three years.

I've only had one real relationship, and it wasn't the fairy tale ended a girl dreams of.

I had a college fling, and honestly? It was far from real.

Well into my teen years, I started to believe I'd never get married. That was just something that didn't seem like a possibility for me. No man could ever love me for me. Was that fear talking? Insecurity? Honestly, it was both. I had a fear of living alone, not being worthy enough for love, and insecure that the thoughts in the back of my head were true. I'm going to be single forever.

I fall in "love" with men who would treat me like garbage and think it is okay. I didn't wait until marriage because I thought it would make the guy like me more. I struggled and still struggle with insecurities left and right.

That is until I discovered self love. I know, everyone talks about self love - finding themselves in a world of darkness, but that's what happened. One day I woke up done feeling sorry for myself. Done thinking about whether I may or may not end up with someone, and had to realize that that was okay. God has a plan. I just have to accept that. There's timing for everything.

Here's my battle with singleness.

I constantly feel lonely. I don't have a lot of friends that I see or talk to, and I'm always wishing I had a companion to visit. I may feel that way, but it's far from the truth. I always have someone to talk to, God. That is why I bought the Every Single Moment journal. It goes through your past, present, and hopes for the future in a three month daily journal format of prayer. All you do is write an answer to the daily prompts in a letter to God.

Singleness is hard, but with God by my side, it gets a little easier.